St David's Day - 1 March
St George's Day - 23 April
30 + 1 + 23 = 54 divided by 3 = 18
11 + 3 + 4 = 18 divided by 3 = 6, ie the sixth month
By this formula I have arrived at the British National Day, with an auspicious and pleasing number on a day likely to be warm and sunny. It is also the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo and therefore even more excellently auspicious.
TV Idea No 1
The appeal of a beauty contest called Britannia the Beautiful open to all races of aspiring Britannias who will wear little else but the Union Jack would be great, I think.
Voting would be by SMS.
TV Idea No 2
An alternative Britannia in a Burqa could be just the thing to display the personalities of single British women of all races and religions not considered to be conventionally attractive. Single men would make offers of marriage only after their questions have been answered to their satisfaction. These women would of course also have a list of questions for the men about their prospects, property and ambitions.
It would be a bit like Blind Date but with the contestants in burqas. This would be when deportment, wit, learning and personality would come into its own ....
Only when an offer has been made and accepted would the burqa be taken off to reveal the features of the woman concerned.
I am quite happy to host this show if asked, in case any TV people looking for new ideas for game shows and TV competitions are interested.
If they do not think me suitable perhaps Terry Wogan or Michael Parkinson could do it.